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No one said managing people was easy. A time will come when a tough conversation needs to be had. Whether it’s part of a performance review, a company restructuring or just in general, the best leaders must know how to handle sticky situations.
The problem I’ve encountered is some leaders think motivation means being tough. Others claim to have an open-door policy but really create invisible barriers between themselves and their employees. Some new bosses step into roles assuming the worst rather than giving people a chance.
Coming to conversations with an “I’m the boss, so do what I say” mindset creates more drama, distraction and lack of productivity.
Toughness and kindness aren’t mutually exclusive. You can be firm without being a jerk. Remember, people usually change jobs because of other people. Employees move on when they don’t feel respected by their leadership, especially during challenging conversations. Yes, a firm hand is needed at times, but there is a constructive and compassionate way to give someone feedback.
1. Set clear expectations.
When someone isn’t meeting expectations, the first thing to ask is if they know those expectations. It’s surprising how often people simply don’t know because companies don’t recognize their culture, document their practices and reinforce the messaging.
Know how your company works and what you expect from employees. Write it down. It’s your mission and values.
Communicate these values to everyone. Someone should know about your culture before sitting down in the interview chair. The interview process is for getting to know each other better.
Start on day one with the new hire’s clear job description and performance standards. The conversations continue in the following days: what is expected as a brand, as a department and as an individual. Check in at least once a month to remind everyone of the team’s direction.
Write clear goals with performance standards. In real estate, it’s common to use sales metrics to measure performance. I’ve seen evaluations based on the amount of outreach to actual closed sales volume. On the marketing side, we look at campaign performance: website traffic, leads generated, increased sales, etc.
When goals aren’t met, sit down. Be honest. Restate the expectation without judgment. “Our goal was to increase website traffic by 10% over the campaign. We only increased by 5%.”
Tough conversations often come around annual review time. Nothing in the review should surprise the employee. If there are areas the employee needs to fix that you haven’t addressed previously, you have failed as a boss.
2. Tackle the problem, not the person.
During my career, I’ve seen how people are uncomfortable with tough conversations. We want our businesses to run smoothly, but potholes are part of serving others and growing a company. We must navigate through those potholes.
It’s easy to confront the employee and say, “You’re not doing a good job.” That comes from a place of attack.
I know someone who, month after month, failed to meet a performance goal of getting a specific number of face-to-face meetings. The problem was not the person; it was not getting enough meetings. When you sit down together, ask, “What practices worked to get the meetings we did have? What can we do to get more meetings and meet our goal?” Note the “we” and not “you.”
3. Approach the problem from a place of support.
When dealing with a tough situation or tough employee, it’s always about giving them what they need in order to be successful.
Identify the problem, but the very next question should be, “Is there anything I can do to help you achieve these goals?” Think about the prior example. The follow-up question could be, “What can I do to help you get more meetings?”
People work harder for you when they know it’s not a “gotcha” game. Our role as leaders is to educate and lift others up. We must develop talent when needed.
Most importantly, mean it when you say it. Employees know when you are not authentic. Offering support is a promise that you will follow through with the measures you discuss. Not delivering kills your credibility. Trust is everything to nurturing employee relationships.
4. Create a comfortable culture willing to share problems.
Time and again, I hear how people are afraid to take problems to their boss. They don’t want to be seen as incompetent at their job.
This is a company culture problem. As leaders of organizations, we need to be willing to give our staff what they need to be successful. They should be comfortable asking for those tools.
We want our businesses to grow and we can’t do it alone. Our employees do most of the legwork. They need to feel comfortable having productive conversations with us. They need to know it’s okay to brainstorm solutions together, even if they’re not the best solutions.
I always tell my team to please come to me with problems but also come with solutions. Coming with problems and no effort always makes me think the employee doesn’t really want to fix it. Even if the solutions aren’t great, I appreciate the effort.
5. Know when it’s time to let an employee go.
A time will come when someone consistently fails to meet expectations. Letting someone go who can’t meet the standard is part of leading a team.
If you’ve followed this pathway, the employee should never be surprised by the outcome. You’ve communicated expectations, offered support and given them a chance to course-correct.
Again, tackle the problem, not the person during the firing meeting. Focus on the documented facts. Keep the conversation short and clear.
Always nurture relationships
People will remember the way you make them feel. Tackling problems from a place of support can build their confidence in your leadership style and make them feel respected. After all, the workplace is about collaboration. By nurturing that relationship through tough times, you gain more buy-in to the brand from inside and outside the company.
