When I or anyone else start a conversation with something along the lines of, “I’d like to share some advice,” I’m often reminded of the 1999 song by Baz Luhrmann, “Everybody’s Free (to Wear Sunscreen).” The final line of the song is, “Advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen.” I would add, “Trust me on the tolerance.”
Tolerance has become what, not too long ago, “disruptive,” “out of the box,” “goal-oriented,” and “value-added” were — phrases that everyone uses, but few actually take the time to truly understand. In a diverse society and workplace, tolerance is essential. All too often, we become so focused on demanding tolerance for our beliefs that we neglect to tolerate the differing beliefs others might have (ironically becoming intolerant ourselves).
Tolerance must be a two-way street.
The inspiration for writing this article happened recently. While headed into a client meeting, I said to the receptionist, “Merry Christmas.” What I got in return was, “I’m an atheist.” It instantly let the holiday season joy out of my sails. My reflex reaction was to feel bad, but that quickly changed to slightly insulted and then, finally, I just wondered, “Why that response?”
Although some version of this comment has likely been said to many of us, the impact of this encounter was abrasive, and so I felt compelled to share a few thoughts. If I could distill my thoughts down to one sentence, it would be this: If someone says to you “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Hanukkah,” “Happy Kwanzaa” or “Peace be upon you,” simply smile and return the salutation, or just say thank you.
It is safe to say, with near certitude, that if someone says, “Peace be upon you,” their intent is not to insult you, minimize your beliefs or convert you. They are simply imparting a positive sentiment from their beliefs. If someone says “Happy Hanukkah,” it doesn’t mean they reject your savior. They are simply sharing their happiness about a profoundly important celebration of their faith. And if you happen to be an atheist, and someone says any of these to you, don’t get your nose out of joint. If you don’t want to return the gesture, you could always smile and say, “Happy Festivus.”
As leaders, it is incumbent upon us to set the tone with our companies, our teams and even our families. We should inspire tolerance for diversity of demographics and, equally important, tolerance for diversity of thought. A famous example of embracing diversity of thought is the friendship between Michelle Obama and George Bush. It would have been easy for them to be reflexively intolerant of each other based on their perceived political differences. Instead, they opted for tolerance, and that led to the acceptance of their differences, which lead to the discovery of shared values and friendship. But first, there had to be tolerance.
How do we advance creativity and innovation by looking different but all thinking the same? The spark of genius is fickle, and it often comes when and where we least expect it. Einstein has been credited with saying, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.” This applies to tolerance, too. Challenge your people. Intentionally assign a client presentation to team members you know will initially have friction, as friction generates heat and energy — and it may generate a spark of genius.
The holiday season is a time that should inspire all of us to be kind to one another in spite of our differences, rather than a time where we are separated because of our differences. The point of this piece is not religion; it’s tolerance. If we are to credibly request others to be tolerant of our outward expression of who we are, our religion or our particular points of view, we must be equally prepared to demonstrate the same tolerance to those from whom we expect it.
Tolerance must be a two-way street. And what better time to commit to being more tolerant than the holiday season?