Founder and CEO of Media Bridge Advertising®
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We sat near a hot tub outside our rental home in the Riviera Maya, champagne glasses in hand, and made our commitment official in front of a third-party presider who had guided us along the journey. It was a small, private ceremony followed by a weekend “love path” where we talked about how we’d live up to our vows and show up for each other from this day forward.
This may sound like a wedding and honeymoon, but it was actually the consummation of a business partnership. After founding Media Bridge Advertising 11 years ago and building it into one of the largest agencies in Minnesota, I decided to elevate our chief marketing officer, Toni Dandrea, to an ownership role. We’d just completed a rigorous coaching process, and our “couples counseling” would continue well into the future. But for now, it was time to celebrate.
Why the elaborate setting? Years ago, I made a decision to lead with heart, rejecting the conventional wisdom that business leaders should put a wall between their personal and professional lives. Once I leaned into my gut feeling that personal and business relationships are virtually the same, I was able to break through the ceiling and grow my business exponentially. Through this experience, I’ve gained three new insights on relationships — specifically partnerships — that I think all entrepreneurs should know.
1. Both personal and business partnerships are about gaining, not giving up.
When it comes to relationships, many of us are hyper-protective of what we “own.” It could be a possession, our independence or a child. For entrepreneurs, our businesses are our babies, so the ultimate letting go is giving up equity. For years, I thought I’d be losing something by bringing in a business partner because I’d no longer be able to call myself a sole proprietor. But here’s what I’ve learned: Letting go is gaining.
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Over the last few years, I’ve been on a journey to let go both personally and professionally, and I feel so much freer now. My identity, pride and ego were wrapped up in my agency, and I had to let something go (equity) to gain something bigger (a partner). I also had to accept that I wasn’t actually giving away a part of my business; my partner had earned it. Toni has worked just as hard as I have, and she deserves it.
2. Both personal and business partnerships require you to lay your personal baggage on the table.
Many couples engage in counseling prior to getting married, so why shouldn’t two professionals do this before starting a business partnership? Toni and I did eight months of counseling before signing our partnership agreement, working with a coach to uncover our personal issues so we could work better as a team. He talked to us monthly — individually and together. To me, it truly felt like couples therapy.
Among other things, I learned that I had more trust issues than I realized. My story was: I was adopted as a baby, and I’ve been abandoned by people I thought had my back. How can I offer my trust to someone who might leave? Then, my story shifted to “the CEO savior”: If I give Toni this gift, then she should just take it and not ask questions. But Toni is a high fact-finder, so she always has more questions and wants more details. She also had to dig deep into why she feels the need to say yes to everything. Just like me, she had to learn to let go.
In the end, the pre-partnership process was incredibly insightful and liberating for both of us. I thought entering into a partnership might crush my confidence, but it’s had the opposite effect. I feel more confident than ever because I know I have someone I can truly depend on.
3. Both personal and business partnerships demand that you map out how to deal with conflict.
In any partnership, no one should feel blindsided or abandoned if it ends. This typically only happens when one or both parties internalize issues instead of raising them. Our partnership coach likes to say that “love isn’t enough.” You can’t just say you’ll live happily ever after and expect it to happen. You have to make it work, and a huge part of that is addressing how you’ll handle future conflict.
After Toni and I signed our agreement, our coach took us on a process called a “love path” that he uses with romantic couples — the same one he inspired my wife and me to take a few years ago. Toni and I committed to a multistep process that includes raising and solving issues on our own, bringing in our coach when we need outside help, and even taking a weeklong retreat with him to iron things out if needed.
With any partnership, you hope that none of this will be necessary. But if it is, and the steps you’ve agreed on fail to resolve your conflict, then you can feel good about dissolving your partnership in the healthiest way possible.
Conclusion
A partnership is work that never ends. For Toni and me, our “couples counseling” continues, and we already sense a profound change. I feel lighter and freer. People tell Toni she’s glowing. We’re working together better than ever. And the agency is growing beyond our wildest dreams.
Some people still insist that business and personal relationships require completely different kinds of partnerships. I rejected that view years ago, and I couldn’t be happier that I did. The problems that people experience in their professional relationships almost always mirror the ones in their personal relationships. So you need to treat them the same way.
That’s what it means to lead with heart.
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Author: Tracy Call, Forbes Councils Member
